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Dream a little dream of me.

I stayed up all night accidentally and now, suddenly, the sky is light and the birds are chirping away and it’s 4:57. My numbers.

I never got tired. Even now I’m not so tired. What a weird night. And a weird morning.

It feels like it was supposed to happen. This May turned June. This hallowed space and time.

I’ve been hiding for the past month. My vortex May turned into Chris’s vortex May. And I just spun.

I simultaneously floated and dragged my way through the month. Feet never properly touching the ground. I tried. Sometimes. And I succumbed others. Mostly I used those fine-tuned self-preservation skills to compartmentalize the month. Two months. Three.

I was kicking ass and taking names. At the start. And then some weight got heavy and I got tired. And then I chugged along. And then more weight. Until moving was the only thing I had. So I just kept doing that.

Kinetic Jill.

And it wasn’t all self-preservation. Those parts don’t make the mindful parts any less significant or successful. I’ll take it all. It just means a whole bunch of different terrain to navigate.

For now, I’m going to sleep for a few hours. And take the terrain again come (late) morning. It feels light again.

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Get you out of my head.

Now comes the part I don’t know what to do with.

I ate my pretty lunch.

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Now what?

‘Cause what I want to do is eat something else too. I used to never snack, and now I feel like I exclusively snack. I don’t want to cold turkey it. I want this transition to feel….not terrible. Yet I’m left here in a bit of limbo.

So I’ve decided I’ll have a handful of tostitos in a bowl and call it good. I can eat again later when it’s time for another meal.

After that I will get back to laundry and potty training my sweet (sleepy) pup.

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How do you navigate your non-food hungers? What are your go-to snacks? I’d love to engage with the people who “like” my posts. I’m sure all of you aren’t bots….probably…

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May 25th PM5

I listened to my body today. I honored it. I navigated my head wanting to make other arrangements. I didn’t enable or judge or give credence to the conflicting nature of my head at my body’s expense. I just was. And it was good.

I have no idea how I did it exactly. But I’m going to keep paying attention and I’ll figure it out.