adventures in quarantine, Uncategorized

The courage I know.

Yesterday was so amazing. And today is hard.

PT this morning was good. Bittersweet. I don’t have any more scheduled appointments with Eliott and I don’t know if I will or not. Gotta see what my doc says about next steps with my arm marbles. But he gave me a bunch more stretches to do and this amazing book of myofascial stretches. I’m so grateful.

And then I had to bring my Mouse to the vet to be put down. That one is hard. His tumor got so big. It was bigger than his head and he hated it and scratched at it and the poor thing. But also he was still so active and I feel terrible that I had to end the active part to be able to end the painful part.

So then when I got home I kinda threw future/ideal me out the window and cut myself a break. And didn’t fuel my body the way I would on other days. These things happen. I ate a few potato chips with homemade frosting and moved on.


I don’t know where they come from.

I hate that it’s been so many days since I’ve written. Ya know, last week it didn’t even occur to me to write. The whole week just blinked by. I don’t even know where it went.

So much time was spent doing my normal routines and helping S with school work and–oh my god–L had a week long meltdown of meltiness.  And Chris worked all week. And R and I logged her four driving hours.

Suddenly it was Saturday morning and I realized I hadn’t written here, nor had I called my sponsor or done any step work. It was just school and badminton and icing my knee and driving shotgun and staying up too late watching Grey’s with R. Chris and I didn’t even manage time together til Wednesday. It was the strangest week.

There was one significant marker tho that struck Thursday. I took Mouse to the vet because he suddenly developed a huge lump on his neck. The doctor biopsied it and it’s cancer.

So, that sucks. My sweet Mouse. The lifespan of a rat is usually just a couple years. I’m blindsided a bit since he’s just 24 months old.

I brought him back home with antibiotics and a steroid. And we’ll spoil him til he seems uncomfortable or stops eating. Then I’ll take him back to the vet and let him go peacefully.

This week I commit to writing about where my head has been lately and what thought paths I’ve been treading recently. Stay tuned for clumsy greatness!