adventures in quarantine, Adventures in running, Uncategorized

Anything but empty.

I let the universe take care of me today. I let the people who love me turn my day around.

After I posted earlier, I went outside with the boys, but it wasn’t enough. My body needed to move. My mind needed to turn off. I employed R’s help with L and took off. I wasn’t even intending to run. I just needed to move.

I walked the first half, and then, suddenly, down a hill, barely with permission from my mind, my body started running. Experience tells me it was probably a minute thirty. It felt so good. Then I took off again after a short walk and that was probably 45 seconds. Then came the section I ran last night in two minutes. Today I timed it and it was a minute 45 and I didn’t want to forfeit the fifteen seconds, so I ran more. And then more. And again.

Screenshot_20200603-191128_Clock

Fucking two thirty! Amazing.

I needed a little extra walking time, so I added another side street, making the walk almost two miles.

I got home and my Chris was there, celebrating right alongside me. Fistbump explosions for days. Beaming with pride.

And then he let me just vent about my feelings. And then we came in and I needed to give a very dirt-covered L a bath. And I wasn’t expecting the company, but the company felt so fucking good and Chris and I just sat in the bathroom and kept talking while L took his bath.

He showed up for me so hard today. It means everything.

Adventures in running, Uncategorized

I’m done with sleeping.

I said I want to run a 5K and this weird switch happened in my head. Despite all the things I fear and all my insecurities, I don’t give a shit about any of that right now. I just want to run this 5K.

Hell, I don’t even care about running the 5K. I want to train for a 5K. I want to live this process and embrace it so fully, I feel consumed by it. My intention is for there to be nothing I’ve ever committed to more than this, apart from my family.

Last night I said I want this. It would have been so easy today to waylay it. To wait because I didn’t have the perfect training plan yet. Or the perfect running shoes. Or because R was going to run with me, but had to work on chem instead. All I needed was one tiny excuse to not get my ass out there.

But I’m a runner damnit and I will show up for myself. So I went out to the field wearing jeans and Chucks and I embraced that shit. I ignored the story in my head that the neighbors thought I looked stupid. I told myself instead the story of future Jill. Whose neighbors revere her for kicking ass every. damn. day.

My loose plan was to train for 30 minutes–15 second run/45 second walk. Rinse. Lather. Repeat. I ran around and played ball with S all last week! I could do this easy peasy, right?

Ha. That was unreasonably optimistic… 4 minutes in and I was dying and calling it quits in my head.

I thought about Dave Hollis though. And Rachel. I thought about my privilege and my commitment. Maybe I didn’t train for the 30 minutes I expected to. But I trained for 15. And that 15 is fucking huge! It is everything. It is ten more than my body thought it could give.

Screenshot_20200407-190143_Clock
*I started the stopwatch late.

And I felt like I was fucking glowing after! I had fought for every second of that run and every cell in my body knew it. It was electric.

I will hold onto this as my first training experience and it will always be the story of how I started running after a lifetime of wishing.