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Step down from this.

I’m stomping. Oh my lord, I’m stomping. But I’m doing the damn thing too.

Damnit.

I’ve teetered all week on what I want my last 30 day food exemption to be for the next 90 challenge.  Last month I teetered too. Eventually I just decided to continue no ice cream.  But it kinda felt like not deciding.

I know snacking has been my downfall as of late. I know my body has been feeling kinda blah as a result. I know my food consumption has increased. I know I haven’t been ready to do anything about any of that. I know I’ve been afraid to lose the crutch.

Every morning I wake up and think maybe today will be the day I commit to no snacking and/or tostitos/pretzels/cheese puffs/chips. And every day I haven’t.

Today I thought maybe. And then when it came time, I thought maybe some more. And more again. And then instead, I chose a new question, and a new answer presented itself. I made carrots sticks with peanut butter and raisins.

I broke the cycle.

I don’t feel strong enough right in this moment to speak to what I might choose next time. Maybe it doesn’t matter. I dunno.

What I do know is that that very first moment means something. I’ll remember it. It’ll reinforce the thing that needs tending to. And then perhaps it’ll provide my answer for me when the time comes.

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