Uncategorized

Like the ceiling can’t hold us.

Before I even make my coffee this morning, I want to share what my life affords me.

I woke up this morning to this.

20200503_092704

There are clean dishes in the drain board from 24 hours ago. There’s crap on the island. A day’s worth of dirty dishes in the sink. Nothing’s been disinfected.

The living room was scattered with papers and some haphazard books. Gym blocks in disarray. Bath toys littering the carpet. There’s a load of laundry to be folded and another yet to be washed.

You want to know what this represents to me?

A day well spent with my attention elsewhere.

My life–my amazing freaking life–my I practice and practice and practice life–my I get back up again life–affords me this moment. I could focus yesterday without micromanaging all of the home tasks. I could eat a meal without care if the dishes were washed. My routines (even taking a day off from them) afford me only an hour of catchup time today to get everything back to normal. My mindset work afforded me the ability to not even consider that someone else should wash the dishes yesterday. Never did I play the victim and think, “well, if no one can even give me the damn day, I guess I have to stop this important conference to wash a dish.” Never did I even think to entertain “I just want to watch the speakers, but L wants attention too and now I have to give up my dream!”

No! I am so much more than that.

I didn’t give a shit about the dishes. I didn’t think someone else should do them. I was grateful for the times Chris took L to play in the other room, but I was just. as. grateful. for all the moments L spent with me too! I incorporated him into my conference. I welcomed him. And he loved it! He felt loved.

My conference ended around 6:30. I was freaking glowing. Chris was on a call outside and L and I danced around the living room for the hundredth time, as my calves burned from the day.

I could have cleaned the house then. I even considered it. Wanna know what I did instead? I went outside and I played with my kid. Because even tho I spent a great part of the day with him, my attention was split. My life affords me that too. So we went outside and chased monsters and threw Spiderman webs and enjoyed the beautiful weather.

Later we went to the store. Still no clean kitchen. Later L went to bed. Still no clean kitchen. Even later than that Chris and I had amazing freaking sex. Still no clean kitchen.

And it was never a freaking thought in my head.

And so today, when I woke up and saw my home. It was the prize. It wasn’t the burden. It was the freaking prize. Because yesterday I lived in abundance. And I loved in abundance. And today my house, which is easily pickup-able, represents all of my progress. All of my glorious progress. And there is just nothing better than that.

Uncategorized

I live to be alive.

RISE fucking LIVE.

Rachel Hollis. Fucking Rachel Hollis.

I have no words.

I want to have words. But I have no words. I just have this overwhelm that seeps from my eyes and labors my breathing. Oh my god, I want to have words! I want to memorialize this moment so I never forget. So I have a place to come back to if it slips away.

But I don’t have words.

RISExLIVE was today. It started at 8:45ish. I got up at 7:30 after going to bed after 3:30. I stood at the laptop propped up on the entertainment center. L sat on Chris’s chair watching a show. Chris Chandler, the emcee, invited us to move our bodies. It felt so freaking lame. My window blinds were open for Christ’s sake.

But today was my day to show up.

So even though it felt so freaking lame, I moved around some anyway. I tried to get into it. I tried to ignore the awkward. I halfassedly did the weird squat positions. I swung my arms, putting just enough effort in to show I wasn’t sitting it out.

I felt lame.

And then Rachel comes out. And she turns lame on its head. Suddenly it’s more important to get my ass moving. At 5-4-3-2-1, I get L to dance with me. We’re Pavlov’s dogs at her command. We succumb to the Rachel. We are freaking in it.

And then the whole internet freaking EXPLODES!

Ha.

Everything is glitchy and people are complaining on the forums and I get to see in real time that those people are not my people. I get to reinforce for myself how much growth I’ve had over the past few years. I don’t even think to be mad about the glitching. I’m barely frustrated.

I committed my whole day to RISExLIVE. I hadn’t even intended to. I’m not even sure what my intention for programming was today. But I stayed through the glitching, and with each new refresh moment (and there were thousands) I uncovered hidden parts of me. I cleared away the cotton and lit the path with lights and I led the way back to me.

This week I will do a breakdown of each speaker. I ended up not watching any of Dave’s, which did hurt a little. It just lglitched out too hard. I would guess that I caught about 60% of 40% of the speakers. But I stayed connected to the entire process all freaking day. Nine hours. Dancing. Connection. Note taking. Moving my body.

By the time Rachel spoke her last class, she was so keenly tuned into my soul, I could feel her energy buzzing into me.

L sat on the entertainment center next to me. A blessing. Warrior company. My partner in crime. Rachel pouring into our souls. Courage and truth overflowing.

20200502_175540

It was a perfect fucking day.