Chris has a friend out visiting today. Said friend is bogged with anxiety and intelligence. It’s always difficult to navigate being around him because I am so sensitive to his energy. I never feel calm or chill. That bumps up my anxiety.
On top of that it triggers me when someone constantly–without rest or reprieve–talks like he knows everything, including my life, like he has better firsthand knowledge than I do. It’s not a comfort to me to tell me about my dog or my children. Furthermore, it’s aggravating that if you know allllll about child development, but then laugh in my 3 year old’s face as he’s processing a learning moment, well, fuck, man. That’s lame.
But here’s the thing. That’s his zoo. I have my own zoo. I can’t do anything about his super annoying to me need to comment on all the things all the time. There’s no need to convince or sway or…anything. I can walk away.
Let me be the first to say that this is *not* the easy route. It’s a super sucky route. But it’s the right route. It’s the path that saves me from a further downward cycle of anxiety and rage. And it’s just one moment amid thousands.
If I fight this battle, I’m going to lose the war. My family deserves better. I deserve better. And only I can dictate my choices.
So I’m going to keep telling myself that over and over instead of engaging in any conversation.
This is my safe place.