Future me shared in confidence today. This eating disorder can appear at any time–nature of the disease. When things are really blah or really awesome. Any time it wants.
Future me stays proactive. So I stay proactive.
Today the boys and I made a cake, along with frosting from scratch. We videochat’d with grandma and grandpa, and then Sue and I laughed so hard we cried when S ate a spoonful of cocoa powder. It was really such an amazing way to spend an hour, especially when we can’thave physical contact.
Afterwards the boys and I each had a piece of cake and Chris stood in abstained solidarity with R because she cut out sugar this month. S asked for another piece, as he is wont to do, and I said no.
Then the cake sat there awhile.
It would have been so freaking easy to eat more and also I would have felt so sick. So I abstained too. It was easy.
This is when future me tapped me on the shoulder and said, “what about tomorrow?”
Me, I replied, “what about what about tomorrow?”
“What about when the appeal is bigger tomorrow? What about if the disease feels bigger tomorrow? What about when it isn’t easy?”
Future me is proactive. So I am proactive.
I cut enough for the boys to have a couple small slices over the next few days, and then I wrapped up the rest for the freezer.
This emptied and clean baking dish felt better than anything else I did today.